Saturday, May 05, 2007

STINKO DE MAYO

In the United States, Cinco de Mayo is a holiday which is celebrated by people of Mexican descent to honor Mexico's victory over the French at the Battle of Puebla in 1862. Parades are held in cities with large populations of Mexicans, including citizens of this country and those who are not citizens, whether they are here legally or illegally. Mexiczn flags are prominently displayed in those parades.

The public display of the Mexican flag is a symbol of loyalty to Mexico and, accordingly, it is an affront to many Americans. Parade sponsors try to sugarcoat the holiday by claiming that it is only a celebration of culture and diversity. The defenders of Mexican nationalism point out that other ethnic groups in this country have their own celebrations. Fair enough - let's look at some other celebrations.

The Irish celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Parades held on that day, by and large, do not involve the carrying of the flag of Ireland. Many people, whether Irish or not, wear green items of clothing on the holiday which celebrates the fable that St. Patrick chased all the snakes out of Ireland. That explains why many a good Irishman drinks to excess - they found themselves seeing a bunch of slithering snakes which were supposed to be extinct, an experience more frightening than seeing pink elephants.

Columbus Day is a celebration of pride for Italians in this country. It honors their countryman who, while financed by the Queen of Spain, is given credit for the discovery of America. That discovery is also notable for an exchange of gifts between the Europeans and the American Indians. The Europeans gave the Indians smallpox and other diseases, while the Indians returned the favor by giving the Europeans syphilis. You will see few, if any, Italian flags carried in Columbus Day parades.

The Chinese and Vietnamese have their own New Year celebrations. No foreign flags there. The only Vietnamese flags ever publicly displayed were those carried by disloyal American anti-war protestors during the '60s and '70s. These New Year celebrations are notable for dragon dances in which six or more men line up underneath a dragon costume and, starting with the second one in line, butt their heads against the butt of the man in front of them.

Cinco de Mayo and its Mexican flag waving is fine when celebrated in Mexico. You don't see Mexicans in Texas celebrating San Jacinto Day, a holiday honoring the defeat of the Mexican army by a small rag-tag band of Texans. General Santa Anna, who slaughtered the vastly outnumbered defenders of the Alamo, bravely led his troops at San Jacinto while naked in the sack, thrusting his weenie into the pistil of The Yellow Rose Of Texas.

(Colonel James Morgan, a wealthy landowner who lived in close proximity to the San Jacinto battlefield, claimed he sent Emily West, his mulatto paramour, to shack-up with Santa Anna so as to divert the general's attention away from leading his troops. In recognition of that historic seduction, Morgan's identured servant Emily came to be known as The Yellow Rose Of Texas.)

To those who say that we do not have a right to be affronted by the Mexican flag waving, I say horseshit. When the San Jose major league soccer team relocated to Houston, it was renamed the Houston 1836. 1836 was the year that the City of Houston was founded, but it also happened to be the year of Santa Ana's defeat at San Jacinto. Houston's Mexican community was so offended by the name that the team changed it to the Houston Dynamo. Cinco de Mayo? No, its Stinko de Mayo!

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