STATE OF THE UNION

By Bob Walsh

 

Senile Joe is giving the State of the Union message tomorrow.  I have managed to get an advanced copy of the TelePrompter roll.  Here is the partial text.

WALK UP TO THE LECTURN.  DON'T TRIP OVER YOUR FEET.  DON'T WET YOURSELF WHILE WALKING TO THE LECTURN.

SMILE.  DON'T BE CREEPY.

My Fellow Americans.  Things are GREAT.  The economy is doing better than at any time in the last 90 years now that the horrible evil Orange Man is gone.  Unemployment is down.  Sure, a lot of people are working three jobs so they can buy groceries but the jobs are available so shut up and work you ungrateful bastards.

The border IS FUCKING SECURE.  Don't believe those MAGA bastards when they tell you different. IT IS SECURE.  Those asylum seekers will show up in court as directed.  WHO YOU GONNA BELIEVE, ME OR YOUR LYING EYES. 

Things are GREAT.  They will be even MORE GREAT if you elect me and that Black woman for another four years.  If you elect that fucking Orange Man he will destroy the country and probably the planet and it will all be your fucking fault.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

TURN LEFT.  WALK AWAY.  HEAD TOWARD THE EXIT.  DON'T STEP OFF THE EDGE OF THE STAGE.  DON'T FALL DOWN.