LAWYER BEWARE !

Having jusst covered a dark side of the legal profession, the recusal of a good judge, it seems only fair to look at a humerous side in the trials and tribulations of lawyering.

HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING. A preliminary hearing was held in a California court on a Possession of Marijuana for Sales case. Evidence obtained during the execution of a search warrant led to the charges against the defendant. His attorney presented several motions for various reasons to get the search warrant quashed. Each time the judge ruled against the motions. Finally, out of frustration, the attorney slammed his case file on the table and exclaimed, "Well, if you want to know the truth, your honor, the judge who approved the affidavit for this search warrant, just plain didn't know what he was doing." Immediately, the judge's bald head turned purple, he banged his gavel for a short recess, and he ordered the defense counsel into his chamber. Spectators in the courtroom heard a lot of shouting drifting through the door to the judge's chamber. A visibly shaken attorney came out of the chamber and was overheard telling his client, "Shit, I didn't know he was the one who approved that affidavit."

DON'T PUT YOUR CLIENT ON THE STAND. Some undercover officers were following a couple of known burglars. During the noon hour, they observed them enter a supermarket in Corona, California and emerge, carrying a case of cigarettes. After placing the case in their car, they reentered the store only to emerge with another case of cigarettes. After they placed the second case in the car, they were arrested. Because they had reentered the building to steal another case of cigarettes, they were charged with burglary, rather than with theft. During the trial, one of the defendants took the witness stand. Under direct examination by his attorney, the defendant insisted that they did not steal anything from the supermarket in Corona. His attorney then asked, "Well, how do you explain the two cigarette cases in your car?" The defendant replied, "We stole them from a store in Ontario." The attorney rocked back in his chair and slapped himself on the head with both hands. It took the jury less than 10 minutes to find both defendants guilty.

THAT'S A LIE. A drug dealer was on trial for selling heroin. The police had made their case by using an informant, a heroin addict, to make the buy. They gave him money to buy 10 papers of heroin, promising that he could keep three papers for himself. They observed him entering the defendant's house to make the buy. During the trial, the lead narcotic officer in the case testified that immediately after the buy, he retrieved seven papers of heroin from the informant outside the defendant's house. At that point, the defendant got pissed off, nudged his attorney, and was overheard to exclaim, "That's a lie. It was 10." Another quick guilty verdict.