The Unconventional Gazette
November 28, 2013
During a Sunday morning church service, the Baptist preacher asked if anyone in the congregation would like to bear witness for answered prayers.
Maureen Oglethorpe stood and walked to the pulpit. She said, "I can bear witness. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if surgery would succeed in restoring the crushed scrotum."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced with his crushed balls.
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him unbearable pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom’s balls.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thanks to the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely. Praise the Lord, our prayers were answered."
All the men sighed with unified relief.
The preacher rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the pulpit.
He said, "I'm Tom Oglethorpe."
The entire congregation held its collective breath.
"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."
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