PALCOHOL: NO MORE NEED FOR PRUNO

Because jail and prison inmates cannot purchase any booze at the commissary, they have been brewing their own. Once powdered alcohol will be smuggled into prisons, there will be no need for inmates to brew pruno

For the uninitiated, pruno is a concoction of oranges or apples, fruit cocktail, sugar, ketchup and bread, the ingredients needed to make prison wine aka pruno. You can browse the internet and find numerous recipes for prison prunp. The most popular one seems to be one by Jarvis Masters who is currently roosting om California’s death row. Andy Kryza, Associate Senior Editor of Food & Drink, has published this recipe for pruno:

Step 1: First, take as many oranges as you can get from the mess hall... about 6-10 will do. If you still need to stuff them in a pillowcase to beat on your cellmate, don't worry -- they can be bruised. Peel 'em and toss 'em in a giant Ziploc bag.

Step 2: Next, take a gigantic can of fruit cocktail (two, if you can smuggle them) and dump it, juice and all, into the bag. Save a couple grapes to eat though. They're delicious.

Step 3: Next, you're gonna need some sugar to help the fermentation process. Squirrel away about 60 cubes, then about 4tbsp of ketchup, just for a little acidity in the mix. That's about four packets.

Step 4: Yeast is what makes this crap turn into alcohol, so toss whatever bread you can in there so the yeast'll get the juices boozin'. Don't overdo it: a piece or two should suffice.

Step 5: Since your pillowcase is now devoid of oranges, you're gonna need to use your fists to pound the mixture into a pulp. Be sure to seal your bag first, though, or else your cell's gonna look like you took a shotgun to a garbage can you found outside a Jamba Juice.

Step 6: Put the bag somewhere warm and safe -- maybe the toilet, maybe a sink, maybe a bucket you smuggled in -- and pour warm water over it to help the fermentation. Then either cover it or wrap it in a towel. Each day, repeat the process of pouring warm water over the bag. Do this for 5-7 days.

Step 6.5: Oh shit! Yeah, so there's gonna be some gas as this turns into booze. Make sure to leave the bag open a tiny crack or else your Ziploc bag's gonna turn into a tropical time-bomb, which is what got you here in the first place.

Step 7: After about a week, strain the nasty fruit goop. If you can't find a strainer, just shank the bag a bunch of times and... voila! DIY strainer.

The Evil Results: Bada-bing! It looks like Tang. It smells like rotten fruit and booze. So what does the fruit of our cell-block labor taste like?

Imagine brushing your teeth, slamming a glass of grapefruit juice, throwing it all up, then drinking it again, and you're close to the flavor profile of this concoction. Maybe add earwax and a little glue. But hey, it's booze. And it beats the hell out of spending a week in solitary with just water and spork-related fever dreams.

Now why do you suppose I posted Kryza’s recipe? I did it to show that it takes a number of ingredients and about a week to make pruno, and there is always the chance that correctional officers searching for contraband will discover the fermenting concoction. No need to worry anymore. A new product has come along that will eliminate the need for pruno. It’s called Palcohol and it will be easy to smuggle into jails and prisons.

Palcohol, which has been approved by the FDA, is powdered alcohol which when added to water or another beverage, produces vodka, rum, etc. The makers of Palcohol plan to start selling their product this spring and their website describes it as a convenient and lightweight way to make adult beverages more available to everyone from campers to travelers. Oops, they forgot to mention jail and prison inmates.

Each packet of Palcohol weighs about an ounce and, when mixed with five ounces of liquid, the alcohol content is equal to a standard mixed drink. The makers say people won’t snort the product because that would be painful.

The states of Alaska, Delaware, Louisiana, South Carolina and Vermont have already banned the use of powdered alcohol and legislation to outlaw it is pending in other states.

‘txlt44’ gave me a heads-up on Palcohol and wrote:” Just think about this stuff in being smuggled in the correctional facilities. No more Apple-Jack fermenting in the crapper.” [Apple-Jack is the term for pruno in Texas prisons and instead of oranges, it’s made with apples.]

Fear that Palcohol will fall into the hands of teenagers is the main reason why some states have banned powdered alcohol and why legislators in other states have introduced bills to outlaw it. Little or no thought has been given to the smuggling of Palcohol into our penal institutions.

‘txlt44’ is spot on. Once powdered alcohol hits the market, it will find its way into our jails and prisons. In the states that have banned it, Palcohol will find its way into the black market one way or another. It can be ordered on the internet. The same as with meth, it will be produced in clandestine labs. And like with cellphones and drugs, it will be smuggled to inmates by visitors and corrupt correctional officers. Then there will be no need for inmates to brew any pruno .