IT'S TOUGH TO BE A COP'S KID

With kids facing the prospect of alcohol and drug abuse, sexual promiscuity, and teenage preganancy, it's tough to do a good job of parenting nowadays. How does one instill the right values in one's children? How does one discipline one's children? To use or not to use corporal punishment? To be strict or permissive? What kind of example do parents set for their children? How can parents who drink keep their kids from drinking? How can parents with a history of drug use keep their kids from using drugs? How can parents keep their kids from succumbing to pervasive peer pressure? If you agree that parenting is hard, wait until you see how tough it is to be a cop's kid.

My late father was a really great guy and he loved me and my sister very much. Having served in the Kaiser's army during WWI, he was very authoritarian. Add to that his teutonic temper and I was the recipient of many an "ohrfeige." (die ohrfeige - literally a box on the ear, figuretively a slap inthe face.) At the slightest provocation, and subconsciously I may have wanted to provoke him, whap - a painful ohrfeige.

I remember one incident because it was really funny. I think I was eight or nine years old at the time, when my parents and I arrived on the platform of a German train station just as the train we were supposed to take somewhere was pulling out. I don't know what possessed my father to run after the train and then, out of utter frustration, throw his suitcase at the dissapearing train. When he got back to my mother and me, I couldn't help but laugh and whap - another ohrfeige.

I suppose by today's standards, my father would have been called a "child abuser," but that was the German way of discipline at the time. While I didn't enjoy those painful slaps, I never thought that I was being abused. I was being disciplined. For languishing in the Boy Scouts at the tenderfoot rank, I received an ohrfeige with the result that, at the time, I became my hometown's youngest ever Eagle Scout. I graduated from high school, started college, enlisted in the army on my 17th birthday, finished college, became a law enforcement officer, and ended my career as a criminal justice professor, all thanks to my father's motivating ohrfeige.

I believe in corporal punishment. Unlike my father, I never used an ohrfeige or spanked my children while I was still angry. It was, "Go to your room and wait until I come to give you some licks." Now, your childless child psychologists, and all those who are opposed to corporal punishment, claim that by spanking children you teach them that violence is the way to resolve conflicts. What a crock of shit! I suppose that had I become a murderer, the anti-corporal punishment crowd would have said it was because I suffered from an abusive childhood.

When I was in high school, I enjoyed boxing and I was on a boxing team in the army. The childless child psychologist will say, "Aha, see you chose a violent sport because you were subjected to corporal punishment." No, I boxed because I was too small for football or basketball, and I couldn't hit the side of a barn with a baseball bat. I enlisted in the army, not to shoot or bayonet people, but because I thought it was my patriotic duty to fight for my adopted country. And I didn't become a law enforcement officer to kick the shit out of people - I wanted a challenging job with some excitement to it.

Kids have it tough too, what with trying to fit in with their peers while confronting the temptations and pervasive peer pressure among teenagers in today's society. And, it's especially tough to be a cop's kid. Teenagers do not have a high opinion of cops because the police regulate human behavior, and that includes their misbehavior. So when a kid tells another kid, "My father (or mother) is a police officer," that statement is often met with a sneer and a response of, "Oh, your old man (or old lady) is a cop?" So, what do many cops' kids do? They turn to misbehavior - drinking, smoking pot, sexual promiscuity, vandalism - as a way of gaining the acceptance of their peers.

At home, it's really tough to be a cop's kid. The nature of the police officer's job is authoritative and that carries over into the home. If you are a cop's kid, you don't dare to question your parent's wishes or commands. Police officers deal with the dregs of society and their victims on a daily basis. As a result, they get a warped view of people in general, and the fear for the safety of their children borders on the verge of paranoia. They become overprotective and resort to the strictest discipline. They do not give their children any space. A retired police officer friend told me recently that his son once said, "Dad, I'm your son, not your prisoner."

Parenting is a difficult art. Many criminals ccme from homes with uncaring or neglectful parents. But, a lot of criminals come from homes with loving parents who try to bring up good children. If a kid turns bad when raised by loving parents who are neither overly protective nor overly permissive, it should not reflect badly on the parents. Even when parents do their best to provide for their children and to teach them right from wrong, there is no guarantee that their kids will turn out to be good. Parents can only hope for the best. As for the kids of cops - you poor bastards - instead of being resentful, try to be understanding of and grateful to your caring parents.