PAROLE OFFICER TYPES

Yesterday I blogged about a retired Texas parole officer's well-intentioned but loony proposal that only psychology and sociology majors be hired as probation and parole officers. Today I am going to describe the different types of parole officers. (The same types can be found among probation officers.) They don't teach this in psychology or sociology.

THE PROGRESSIVE COP - Sees almost everything as either black or white, no in-between. Suspicious by nature. Expects strict adherence to each and every parole condition. Will treat parolees fairly within those parameters. Will always cooperate with the police, except when he believes the police are just on a fishing expedition.

THE TRADITIONAL COP - Is convinced that the parolee is going to screw-up from the get-go. Not out to get the parolee, but always looking for the worst in him. Will not give the parolee any slack. Will alwalys cooperate with the police, no questions asked.

THE SISSY SOCIAL WORKER - Believes the parolee is a victim of society. Will serve the needs of the parolee, even when that could be detrimental to society. (A California parole officer took one of his parolees to Tijuana to be treated by a Mexican doctor for a gunshot wound he suffered during an attempted liquor store holdup.) Finds it hard to cooperate with the police. When one of his parolees is returned to prison he will tearfully whine to him, "You let me down."

THE PSEUDO-PSYCHOLOGIST -Took a few psychology courses in college, Is convinced the parolee has been acting out as the result of a troubled childhood. Analyzes everything the parolee does and finds excuses for any misconduct. Will cooperate with the police, although somewhat reluctantly.

THE RIGHTEOUS CASE WORKER - As long as the parolee abides by all the rules, will help him in his efforts to succeed on parole. Will give the parolee some slack, but if he keeps screwing-up, will recommend revocation and return to prison. Wants to cooperate with the police but, like the progressive cop, will not do so if he thinks they are just on a fishing expedition.

THE MIDDLE CLASS STANDARD BEARER - Expects parolees to follow a middle-class life-style, regardless of their socio-economic background. (Some parole officers insist that all of their parolees open and maintain a bank savings account, take their families out to a nice restaurant once a week, and take them out to a cultural arts venue - theater, museum, etc. - once a month.) Will cooperate with the police.

THE EVANGELICAL - Expects parolees to attend church services every Sunday and bible study classes every Wednesday evening. Always carries the bible while on the job. Will not tolerate the use of the Lord's name in vain. If the parolee screws-up and faces return to prison, will sit down with the parolee and pray for him. Hallelujah! Will cooperate with the police.

THE THREE MONKEYS - Hears no evil, sees no evil, speaks no evil. Scared shitless he might get hurt on the job. Stays on only because he can't find a better paying job. A sure ticket for the parolee to continue his criminal ways while on parole. Will cooperate with the police, but only if that doesn't put him in harm's way.

Many parole officers will practice the attributes of two or more of these types, and that is as it should be. The sissy social worker will probably be one of the three monkeys. But you will never see the progressive and traditional cops as sissy social workers or the three monkeys. You should be able to conclude which of the types are the best and the worst.

All the do-gooder stuff notwithstanding and regardless of type, the guiding principle for all probation and parole officers must be that, first and foremost, probation and parole serve to protect society from criminals.