ALIENS FROM OUTER SPACE AMONG US

You are going to think that I've lost my mind. I've got to warn you - there are dangerous illegal aliens from outer space among us. How do I know? Well, I do volunteer work three days a week at a nature center. Despite my lack of skills (you know the old saying - them that can do, them that can't teach) I was assigned to work with a special group known as the Gem Crew.

The Gem Crew consists of a bunch of old farts who are extremely well skilled in building, maintaining and repairing the nature center's facilities. As a matter of fact, I should have been suspicious from the very beginning because in my 80-plus years I have never known any individuals posessing so many different skills. Anyway, after I had been on the Gem Crew for about a year, I was taken into their confidence. I guess they figured I could keep a secret, knowing that I had been a narco cop.

I was sworn to secrecy by Bob P, who had taken me under his wing since I first arrived. Bob informed me that he and several of the Gem Crew members were really from Diputsnorom, a planet in a faraway galaxy. When I was finally able to stop laughing, he gave me these very dark glasses and told me to put them on. I must have passed out because the next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor looking up at a huge green lizard-like creature standing over me. It spoke like Bob.

Bob, the lizard, picked me up off the floor and pointed to the other Diputsnoromians. Each time I saw one of the other green lizards, I lifted the glasses only to see a human instead. There they were - Lew H, Jim E, Joe C, Tom S, JT, Don H and Joe J. Come to think of it, I should have realized Bob was not normal because he suffered no injuries when a tree fell on him and when an extension ladder he was on collapsed.

Bob told me the other members of the Gem Crew like me, who were not from Diputsnorom, do not know this secret and that it was revealed to me because I was the Gem Crew's only blogger. When the time comes for them to take over, it will be my job as the official blogger of the Diputsnoromians to let the people of the world know what was expected of them.

Bob also told me there are Diputsnoromian cells like this one at nature preserves all over the United States and the rest of our world. In this cell, Lew is the nominal leader. He is an expert on just about every skill ever developed by mankind and, because of that expertise, usually insists on things being done his way. JT is the communications director and it is his job to flood the internet with long e-mails, thereby driving all non-Diputsnoromians who read them out of their minds.

Joe C, in addition to his nature center work, also helps build Habitat for Humanity houses, all of which will collapse immediately when subjected to a secret radio signal. Joe C also maintains a garden at the nature center in which he secretly grows the plants needed to sustain the lizard-like Diputsnoromians. Tom maintains the nature center's electric lights and power lines which, upon a secret radio signal, will vaporize the center's administration, stewartship and education sections.

Don and Joe J live next door to each other in a nearby city with a huge chemical complex. It is their job to activate the radio signal which will vaporize the chemical industry in the area surrounding the nature center. Last month, Joe J had the worn-out secreted radio transmitter inside his right knee replaced with a new one. Jim is the cell's intelligence officer and it is his job to spy on and derogate every non-Diputsnoromian associated with the operation of the nature center. Bob is the cell's mole and it is his job to charm the sox off of all non-Diputsnoromians associated with the center.

Why am I revealing their secret now? It is because the time for their takeover is fast approaching. The green lizards have told me that they will seize this country the moment our citizens become so deeply divided that they will be constantly at each other's throats, thus facilitating the Diputsnoromian takeover. And that deep division will start the moment Hillary Clinton becomes our President.