PAT CONDELL ON THE SAUDIS

Here is the transcript of British stand-up comic Pat Condell's video monlogue on the Saudis:

Well, it’s a gloomy rainy old day to be here in London, but it could be worse. I could be in Saudi Arabia, where men are men and women are cattle. Can I say that?

The Saudi Arabian Human Rights Commission, now there’s a collection of words to boggle the mind, but apparently this organization does actually exist, and they intend to complain later this month at an event in Copenhagen that Muslims living in Europe are denied human rights and are not allowed to freely practice their faith. How about that? Being lectured in human rights by Saudi Arabia. What next, animal welfare from the Koreans? "Does it get any more surreal?" you ask.

Yes, apparently it does, because they also want us to stop linking Islam with terrorism, which is pretty rich coming from the guardians of Islam, and the guardians of terrorism.In a sane society, the guy who actually stands up to make this speech would be bum-rushed out the door the moment he opened his mouth. Or, even better, run out of town on a rail and dumped in the river.But this is Europe, so instead we’ll probably listen to what he’s got to say, take it all on board, and then change our way of doing things, as usual. Just this week in the UK we’ve been told that a leading supermarket chain is now allowing Muslim checkout staff not to handle alcohol if they don’t want to.

We’ve had a pharmacist refusing to sell birth control because of religion, we’ve had a Muslim dentist who refused to treat a woman because she wasn’t wearing a headscarf, and now we’ve been told that some Muslim doctors are refusing to treat certain people because of their precious faith. Here in the UK we have a technical term for this kind of behavior.

We call it "taking the piss". And we don’t like people taking the piss. It "gets up our nose", and it gives us "the right hump". It’s a cultural thing.

If Muslims are really as downtrodden as the Saudis would like us to believe, why are there currently plans for a Saudi-funded gigantic mosque to be built right here in London, the largest mosque in Europe, no less.

Eat your heart out, Denmark. We know you’d love to have it, but we’re getting it instead.

And it’s going to be built right next to the site for the 2012 Olympic Games, if they can get the planning permission.

Even some local Muslims have been protesting about this plan. They say they’ll be marginalised because this mosque will be run by extremists for extremists, which means it’s pretty much guaranteed to get the go ahead, and the London Olympics will doubtless be dominated by a mosque the size of a football stadium.

I don’t know if the marathon will be interrupted for prayers, or if female athletes will be required to compete wearing a tent, though I’m sure if the mad mullah of multiculturalism, Ken Livingstone, the mayor of London, has anything to do with it, that won’t be too far off the agenda. The fact that the Saudis feel they can get away with this cynical bullshit just shows how far we’ve already allowed ourselves to be pushed here in Europe.

Radical Islam has seen us for what we are, a soft touch. It sees that political correctness is like a drug that we just can’t stop injecting, even though we know it’s going to kill us. And they’re taking full advantage of that, turning our sense of fairness against us, and making us despise ourselves for one of our best qualities. And any concession made will be seen as a sign of weakness to be exploited further, because there is no dialogue with radical Islam. It doesn’t want to be agreed with. It wants to be obeyed.

It thinks it has the God-given right, aptly enough, to make the rules, not just for Muslims, but for everyone, and some of us, frankly, thing that’s a little bit too much to ask. And if you think that’s unreasonable, all I can say is my freedom is more important than your faith. Much, much more important.

And besides, I just have this natural aversion to being bullied and pushed around by bigoted misogynistic ignoramuses. And I say that with all due respect.

And before somebody accuses me again of insulting Islam, please grow up. I don’t need to insult Islam when there are already so many Muslims willing to do it for me every time they strap on a suicide belt or stone somebody to death for the crime of having a private life. These are the people who insult Islam, not people like me. Of course I realize Islamofascists take pretty much every criticism as an insult by default, but, to be fair to them, it would be difficult to think of a compliment, wouldn’t it?

What do you say? "Nice jihad. Like the dogma. Way to go with the bigotry and the hate"? There’s not much scope, really, is there? But these are the people who are actually insulting Islam. And these are the true enemies of Muslims. And the biggest enemy of all is the royal family of Saudi Arabia, because it’s thanks to their activities, funding and encouraging cold blooded murder in the name of religious dogma that have made Islam feared and resented all over the civilised world, not because of people like me. And the Muslim population needs to take that fact on board and recognise it.

As for us in the west, well, our good friends the Saudis are waging war against us, and we’re so fat and complacent we don’t even know it, so maybe we deserve everything we get.

People have said to me, "You’re pronouncing that wrong. It’s not "Sordi" it’s "Sowdi". OK, fair enough, I’m happy to pronounce it "Sowdi". I’d be even happier if the country was just called Arabia, and the medieval wackos who currently run it were back in the desert living in their tents with their livestock, where they belong. In fact, I’m looking forward to the day when we can finally wean ourselves off oil altogether, and pull out of the Middle East, and then "Sordi" and "Sowdi" Arabia can quietly revert back into the stone age, unless they manage to exploit their other great natural resource, and start exporting egg timers.

Now that might even be something worth praying for. Peace.