LITTLE OLD MAN WITH A BELLY AND NO HAIR

Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is make sure I don't smell any fresh dirt. Then, when I go into the bathroom to shave and brush my teeth, I look in the mirror. What I see is a handsome guy. Damn good looking for someone in their eighties. But wait a minute. Is that what I really look like? I received a clue in 2005.

In 2005, when I was on the Libra Santos during one of several container ship cruises with that vessel, we stopped off in Itajai, Brazil where I spent some time with the lovely Thais. The next time the Libra Santos came to Houston after I left the ship, I got together with some of the crew members and asked them if they saw Thais when they were in Itajai again. They did and they said she asked about me. She wanted to know where was "that little old man with a belly and no hair?" Ouch!

But it gets much worse. In 2007, I addressed the annual conference of the Texas Narcotics Officers Association, an organization that I founded. Several weeks later, I received the TNOA quarterly journal with my picture gracing the entire back cover. Shit! I looked like a decrepit old fart. And then my damn (formerly dear) wife put the final nail in the coffin when she said that I looked exactly like the picuture.

Recently a good friend (???) send me a funny video clip of someone singing "I Just Don't Look Good Naked Anymore." The clip included some unflattering cartoons of old people and pictures in line with the lyrics. How depressing to us burn-outs and yet, so true. Here are the lyrics to the song:

I JUST DON'T LOOK GOOD NAKED ANYMORE

I stepped out of the shower
And got a good look at myself
Pot belly, bald head
Man, I thought it was somebody else
I caught my reflection in the mirror
On the back of the bathroom door
And I just don't look good naked anymore

So I'm going upstairs to turn the bathroom mirror to the wall
I hung it there when I was trim and tall
I'd stand there smile and strut and flex
Until my arms got sore
But I just don't look good naked anymore

Well, I use to go out with the girls
I loved them one and all
Now they don't get very close to me
They're afraid that I might fall

Well, I went to the doctors
For my annual medical exam
Stood there in the buff
Suddenly he said, "Man!"
I said, "What is it Doc? Some fatal disease?
I just gotta know the score
He said, "No, you just don't look good naked anymore."

Well, me and my wife had a dance routine
Everybody said it was unique
Now it's only when we're back to back
That we're dancing cheek to cheek

Well, I went to a nude beach for a little seaside fun
Stretched out in my birthday suit soaking up the sun
Somebody yelled, "Hey!
There's an old white whale washed up on the shore!"
I just don't look good naked anymore

Now my arches fell, my chest went to hell
And my butt's a'draggin' the floor

And I just don't look good naked anymore


Click on this link to view the video clip my friend sent me
http://www.landercasper.com/AnyMore/AnyMore.html