FRED'S CAR BURGLARY GANG

South Africa may have to call for help from my friends at the Galveston County Auto Crimes Task Force to stop a brazen gang of car burglars. The GCACTF has been quite successful in reducing the thefts of automobiles, in recovering stolen cars, and in catching car burglars. But if they were to go and help the South Africans, they would have their hands full fighting a large highly organized car burglary gang.

Simon’s Town, a small coastal community, has long been a favorite holiday destination for visitors wanting to get away from Cape Town and other crime infested South African cities. Unfortunately many of the visitors are learning the hard way that they cannot escape South Africa’s rising crime wave. They are getting robbed by a bunch of “furry” felons.

Yesterday, a troop of 29 baboons burglarized a number of cars outside Simon’s town. The burglars were led by a baboon who has been named “Fred” by the locals. Fred and his gang opened unlocked car doors or jumped through open windows in search of food. While they’re at it, they do a pretty good job of ransacking through the cars’ contents.

Just like in New York, many witnesses looked on without lifting a hand to help any of the hapless victims as the criminals went about doing their dirty deeds. As a matter of fact, the onlookers seemed quite amused by what they saw, that is until they returned to their own cars only to find out they too had been robbed by Fred’s gang.

The South African police appear to be clueless about finding a way to stop Fred’s fearless gang of thieves. So, you guys in Galveston County start getting your passports in order just in case your may be called upon to show Fred and his gang of car burglars how we fight crime in Texas.

EDITOR’S NOTE – A member of GCACTF wrote: Fred's Gang seems like a slippery group of thieves. However, I believe the easiest solution would be to fill a bait van with bananas and when they are all inside, slam the doors shut. [A bait van or bait car is a vehicle containing what appear to be valuables that is strategically parked and kept under surveillance in a location where thieves have been stealing and burglarizing cars.]

Sounds good Trey, but I don’t think that will work. If I were a baboon (which I have been called on occasion) who was smart enough to open a car door from the outside, I’d be smart enough to open a door from the inside. And if that didn’t work, I’d just use my incredible strength to pop the windshield. Then all you’d be left with is a trashed van and a pile of banana peels.