By Ima Schmuck
The Unconventional Gazette
September 5, 2012
Soon after he took office, President Barack Obama promised the Muslim world that, unlike his predecessor George W. Bush, he would be an honest broker in the conflict between Israel and the Palestinians. The Unconventional Gazette believes that, instead of being an honest broker, Obama has bullied the Israelis with demands and declarations that can only be described as pro-Palestinian.
TUG obtained an interview with the president concerning the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Here is that interview with Mr. Obama:
TUG: Mr. President, thank you for taking the time out from your busy schedule by giving us this interview. Let us start out by asking you if you are anti-Semitic as some Jews and others have charged.
OBAMA: That is a despicable lie! Some of my best friends are Jews! My closest advisers, Rahm Emanuel and David Axelrod are Jews and so is one of my biggest contributors, George Soros.
TUG: In 2008, you told the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) policy conference that “Jerusalem will remain the capital of Israel and it must remain undivided.” But in July of this year, the White House declared that “It’s the view of this administration that the capital should be determined in final status negotiations between parties.” That says Jerusalem is not the capital of Israel.
OBAMA: Well you have to understand that when I made that statement to AIPAC, I was a candidate for the presidency and last July, I was speaking as the President. Both the Jews and the Arabs claim Jerusalem as their own and until that issue is settled neither side should be able to claim the Holy City as their capital.
TUG: Republicans and some Jews say that despite your promises of unwavering support for the Jewish state and its security, you have treated the Israeli government with hostility and scorn like no other American president has since Israel’s birth in 1948.
OBAMA: Another despicable lie! My commitment to Israel’s security is firm and unbreakable.
TUG: Then why did you say that the ’67 borders should be the starting point for any peace negotiations with the Palestinians, borders that would make it impossible for Israel to defend itself against attacking Arab armies?
OBAMA: It’s only right. The Jews occupied the West Bank and other Arab lands in 1967. I realize that it was as the result of a war. But the international community agrees that any lands conquered should be returned to the vanquished once the war has ended. Besides that, Israel has the most powerful army and air force in the Middle East.
TUG: But with the ’67 borders, Israel is only 8 miles wide at one point. In any war, an opposing army would be able to cut Israel in half.
OBAMA: Only 8 miles wide? Emanuel, Axelrod and Soros didn’t tell me that. Oh well, Israel’s army wouldn’t let anyone cut Israel in half.
TUG: You have consistently demanded concessions from Israel in any peace negotiations with the Palestinians, while refusing to ask for any concessions from the Palestinians.
OBAMA: Yes, I’ve done that, but only because that’s the only way I can get the Palestinians to negotiate with the Israelis. After all, it is Israel that is occupying Arab lands.
TUG: You have declared that the West Bank settlements - home to 500,000 Israelis – are illegal.
OBAMA: That’s right. That’s what the United Nations has declared. Those settlements are in the occupied West Bank sitting on Arab lands. The Jews should leave and when they do, Israel should not destroy the housing like it did when it forced settlers to leave the Gaza Strip. Those settlements should be left intact for Palestinian refugees.
TUG: Would you really have 500,000 Jews give up their homes?
Obama: Well, maybe not 500,000. 400,000 would be a reasonable number, but they would have to live under Palestinian rule.
TUG: But the Palestinians have declared that no Jews would be allowed to live in a Palestinian state.
OBAMA: They said that? Emanuel, Axelrod and Soros didn’t tell me that. Then I suppose all 500,000 settlers would have to leave.
TUG: It seems as though you have personally treated Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu as though he were the Head-of-State of one of our enemies rather than the leader of a state closely allied with America.
OBAMA: You bet I have! That damn Jew, I mean guy, cannot be trusted. Just ask former French President Sarkozy. And look how Netanyahu’s government insulted Vice President Biden by announcing in the middle of Joe’s visit to Israel that they were going to build some new housing in East Jerusalem. That was a real slap in the face of the United States and the peace process.
TUG: But the Israeli government didn’t make that announcement. It was some Jerusalem city council committee that did it.
OBAMS: You don’t say. Emanuel, Axelrod and Soros didn’t tell me that. Well, anyway, I did not appreciate Netanyahu lecturing me during one of his visits.
TUG: Maybe Netanyahu was only trying to explain to you why your demands for concessions were threatening the security of Israel.
OBAMA: It was still a lecture and that was an insult to the American president. Besides that what does Netanyahu know about the security of Israel?
TUG: Mr. President, how can you claim to be an honest broker when it appears as though you have consistently taken pro-Palestinian positions?
OBAMA: To answer your question, all I can say is that Rahm Emanuel, David Axelrod and George Soros haven’t explained that to me yet.
TUG: One last question, Mr. President. You have called for the existence of two states, Israel and Palestine, living side by side in peace. While Palestinian Authority leader Mahmoud Abbas talks about a two-state solution whenever he addresses the international community in English, he has repeatedly vowed in Arabic that there can be only one state, a Palestinian state from the Jordan River to the Mediterranean Sea. How can Israel be expected to make peace with a people that have vowed to annihilate what they call the Zionist entity?
OBAMA: Abbas said that? Emanuel, Axelrod and Soros didn’t tell me that.
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