Saturday, September 29, 2012


‘Butt-chugging’ cheap wine for a quicker bigger high

Here is a good reason why the U.S. is falling behind China and other nations in reading, writing, math and science.

By John Nova Lomax

Houston Press Hair Balls
September 28, 2012\

Showcasing the strange and wonderful thing that is the frat boy's creativity and imagination, several members of the Pi Kappa Alpha chapter at the University of Tennessee decided that sucking down booze the old-fashioned way was boring and decided to administer alcohol enemas to one another. Bottoms up!

This "butt-chugging" escapade was nearly fatal for one Pike brother. Early Saturday morning, 20-year-old Alexander Broughton was taken to a Knoxville hospital with a blood alcohol level of 0.40. He was unresponsive and in critical condition for a time, but was revived and has since been released.

Police later found that several Pikes were "using rubber tubing inserted into their rectums as a conduit for alcohol as the abundance of capillaries and blood vessels present greatly heightens the level and speed of the alcohol entering the bloodstream as it bypasses the filtering by the liver."

"Shock would not be an (overstatement)," said Tim Rogers, Tennessee's vice chancellor of student life. "I myself had never heard of what has been alleged."

But we have, and allow us to, um, backdoor in this eight-year-old tale from Lake Jackson, Texas.

That was the scene of a similar incident, albeit of a classier and more romantic variety.

On May 21, 2004, a 58-year-old machine shop operator named Michael Warner passed away at the home he shared with his 42-year-old wife Tammy Jean Warner. Police later found that his BAC was even (almost) one factor of legally drunk higher than Broughton's: .047 is a hair under six times the legal driving limit while Broughton's was a mere five.

It later emerged that Michael Warner had been administered an enema consisting of two 1.5 liter bottles of sherry -- which is definitely more upscale than the box wine police found at the Pike house. (Unless "sherry" is a euphemism for gnarly old fortified "bum wine." If that was the case, point to you, Tennesseeans.)

Michael Warner was reportedly a long-term alcoholic who police said had a throat condition that made ingesting alcohol in the usual manner extremely painful.

His widow denied that theory. "My husband could drink very well with any problem he had," she told the Houston Chronicle approvingly. Is anyone surprised Mr. and Mrs. Warner met at a bar?

Tammy Jean Warner was initially charged with criminally negligent homicide for giving Michael the lethal enema, but two years later the charge was dropped for lack of evidence.

Tammy Jean stated at the time that while she was with Michael when he bought the sherry, she most definitely did not squirt it up his backside. She also stated that Michael was addicted not just to alcohol, but also to coffee and soap enemas, and that he gave them to himself all the time. "He had enema recipes," she said at the time.

Apparently, the combination of his two great loves proved fatally irresistible.

"That's the way he went out and I'm sure that's the way he wanted to go out because he loved his enemas," she told the Houston Chronicle in 2005.

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