THE CASE FOR AND AGAINST THE U.K. LEAVING THE E.U.

The Onion
June 23, 2015

British voters will decide Thursday whether the U.K. should remain a member of the European Union. Here are the leading arguments for and against the U.K. leaving the E.U.:

FOR

First step in returning Britain to its pre-1970s glory as an economically languishing failed colonial empire

In the face of a resurgent Russia and increased threats from ISIS, leaving E.U. would be the best strategy for letting someone else deal with that shit

Britons could once again refocus their hatred on internal class divisions

One less goddamn flag everyone has to hang up

Won’t have to take part in awkward process of denying Bosnia and Herzegovina’s E.U. membership request

Throughout its history, Britain has always been a valiant defender of the right of smaller territories to separate from larger, oppressive governments

Pretty airtight way for citizens to mask racism as concern for national autonomy

AGAINST

Could lead to a chain reaction in which other member states consider leaving and then realize their economy would collapse if they did so

Abandonment of E.U. would significantly delay transition to single totalitarian world government

Could possibly make things awkward when bumping into Denmark or Malta at United Nations summits

The windswept Swiss Alps! The stunning Sagrada Familia! The radiant vineyards of Tuscany!

Never a good idea to find yourself on Luxembourg’s bad side

Free trade agreements keep price of imported wiener würstchen low

Fewer people for David Cameron to order around

EDITOR’S NOTE: At press time the results of the BREXIT votes had not come in.