Once in a while, it doesn't hurt to tell a deprecating story on yourself, especially if it's really true. Yesterday, something happened that I will never forget as long as I live in the few years that I have left. My wife is on an out-of-state trip for a week, leaving me to babysit Angie, our cute little Maltese.
Yesterday afternoon, I took Angie out into the backyard so she could pee. She did her business, God bless her. Then she took a few steps toward one of the flower beds, stopped and took the three-legged pointer stance. We were about 15 - 20 feet away. I saw what looked like a kitty cat in the bushes. I could not see clearly because I've had capillary leakage (bleeding) in both eyes for well over a year.
I wanted to shoo the intruder away, so Angie and I approached to within two or three feet of the kitty. It did not run, but it raised its long bushy tail - oh shit!!! It was only then that I realized it was a skunk. Too late! Angie and I were both sprayed. We both stunk like - well, unless you've smelled a skunk's spray, it's awfully hard to describe. I immediately stripped naked and threw my clothes in the middle of the yard.
We went back inside. I sponge bathed Angie in a solution of half and half vinegar and water. Did the same for myself, then took a shower using dishwasher detergent instead of the usual Dial soap. Then I sprayed everything with Febreze. All to no avail. The problem is that you can't get stunk spray out of a dog's coat. Angie has really spread it around. Now, more than 24 hours later, the whole house smells like a skunk.
Well, it was a cat of sorts - a polecat. I just hope the neighbors did not file a police report about their kids hearing loud cussing and seeing me running around the yard naked. But if they did, that's nothing compared to what the wife will do to me upon her return. If the house still stinks, you know who'll get blamed - it wont be cute little Angie. Laugh if you must, but please pray for me!
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