THE MOST CRAY-CRAY PERSON EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD

He’s a wacko from Waco. Come to think of it, ‘He’s a Wacko from Waco’ could be the title of a hit country-western song. Willie Nelson, Reba McEntire, this could rejuvenate your fading popularity.

MICHAEL DANIEL: WACO FREAK OF NATURE CHARGED WITH EATING FAMILY DOG ALIVE
This dude’s at the center of a real man-bites-dog story…

By Craig Malisow

Houston Press Hair Balls
June 26, 2012

Mary, mother of mother-effing God: A Waco man has been charged with eating his family's dog while it was still alive!

Michael Daniel, 22, was arrested June 14 after he allegedly assaulted people in his home, "chased a neighbor and started barking and growling," and then -- as you may have remembered us mentioning before -- beating and strangling the family pooch before sinking his motherfucking teeth into it, according to KAIT. The dog died at home.

"Daniel is believed to have ingested 'K-2,' a synthetic drug, before the attack," according to the report. He faces a felony charge for animal cruelty, which is probably because there's not technically a felony charge on the books for "being the most cray-cray person ever in the history of the world."

Police found Daniel "on a front porch with blood smeared on his face and clothes," the New York Daily News reported. They took Daniel to a hospital.

The station didn't have any information on what type of dog it was, or, for that matter, how Daniel claimed it tasted. That's it. We're done with these zombie attacks. Check please -- we're getting the F outta here.