DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION

Opening Day Schedule
Monday, July 25, 2016

11:15 AM
Parking lot outside ICE detention center
Free lunch, medical marijuana, and bus ride to the convention center

11:45 AM
Forms distributed for Food Stamp enrollment

12:15 PM
Group Voter Registration for undocumented immigrants
HUD Secretary Julián Castro, Coordinator

12:45 PM
Voter Registration for Deceased Democrats
Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, Coordinator

1:15 PM
Welcoming Address
Debbie Wasserman Schultz

1:45 PM
How to have your mother and close friends travel to far-away places and stay at the finest hotels, all at taxpayer expense
Michelle Obama

3:15 PM
Address on "Being the Real You"
Rachel Dolezal, black but white former Head of the Seattle NAACP and Caitlyn Jenner, formerly Bruce Jenner

4:30 PM
"How to Bank $200 Million as a Public Servant and claim to be broke"
Hillary Clinton

4:45 PM
How to have a successful career without ever having a job, and still avoid paying taxes!
A Seminar Moderated by Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson

5:00 PM
Medals of Freedom presentation to Army deserter Bo Bergdahl for serving with Honor and Distinction
National Security Advisor Susan Rice

5:30 PM
Invitation-only Autograph Session
Souvenir photographs of Hillary and Chelsea dodging Sniper Fire in Bosnia

6:00 PM
Finding The Right Bathroom For You
Caitlyn Jenner

6:30 PM
General vote on praising Black Lives Matter demonstrators

7:00 PM
General vote on using the terminology "Alternative Shoppers" instead of “Looters"

7:30 PM
For women only
How to keep your husband from cheating on you
Breakout session with Bill Clinton

8:15 PM
White House "Semantics Committee" meeting
Alternative terminology that eliminates the terms "Muslim" and "Islam" when referring to acts of terrorism

8:30 PM
General vote on renaming domestic "Muslim Terrorism" and "Islamic Terrorism" as "Non-Christian Terrorism"

9:00 PM
"Liberal Bias in Media." How we can make it work for you!
Tutorial sponsored by CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, PBS, the Washington Post and The New York Times
Panel: Brian Williams, Rachel Maddow, Chris Matthews

9:15 PM
Tribute Film to the Brave Freedom Fighters still incarcerated at GITMO and in Zionist prisons
Michael Moore

9:45 PM
Personal Finance Seminar - "Businesses Don't Create Jobs"
Hillary Clinton

11:00 PM
Short film: "Setting Up Your Own Legally-Questionable Email Server While Serving in a Cabinet Post and How to Pretend It's No Big Deal"
Hosted by Hillary Clinton

11:30 PM
How to get elected to high office without ever having held a real job
President Barack Obama

Midnight
Official Nomination of Hillary Clinton
Facilitated by Bill Maher, Rachel Maddow and Chris Matthews