16 and counting. 16 is the number of women so far, mostly blondes, who have come forward to declare they had sex with Tiger Woods. Some of these affairs occurred shortly after Tiger married his wife, a blonde Swedish underwear model. Many of the affairs took place simultaneously and some of them are alleged to have lasted over two years. That makes Tiger Woods not only the world’s greatest golfer, but also the world’s greatest lover.
Woods makes about $100 million dollars a year endorsing products for Gillette, Nike, AT&T and Gatorade among others. His philandering ways may cost him some of those endorsements. But fear not Tiger, there are other products out there that you can pitch now that you have also become the world’s greatest lover.
For starters, you can endorse ExtenZe, Enzyte, Maxoderm and Trojan condoms. Eventually there’s Viagra, Cialis or Levitra. In place of those luxurious TAG Heuers you should be able to broker an endorsement deal with Mickey Mouse watches. Of course, there will be an opportunity for you to endorse a leading divorce lawyer. And finally, when you arrive at that point in your life, you may be able to endorse a urologist who specializes in penile implants.
So don’t despair Tiger! Things may not be nearly as bleak as they now seem to be. I see lots of lucrative endorsements ahead if you can continue to get a bevy of blondes to add onto your 72-hole scorecard. Just make sure not to let any of those babes get their hands on one of your golf clubs if you don’t want to get whacked again.
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