WILL 'PARENTING' REPLACE THE SHOPWORN 'ABUSIVE CHILDHOOD' EXCUSE?

In almost all criminal trials where the defendants have been convicted, their attorneys will plead for leniency on the grounds that the defendant was the victim of an abusive childhood. Now The Onion is giving lawyers a new way of offering mitigating circumstances to a jury.

STUDY FINDS EVERY STYLE OF PARENTING PRODUCES DISTURBED, MISERABLE ADULTS

The Onion
October 26, 2011

SANTA ROSA, CA—A study released by the California Parenting Institute Tuesday shows that every style of parenting inevitably causes children to grow into profoundly unhappy adults. "Our research suggests that while overprotective parenting ultimately produces adults unprepared to contend with life's difficulties, highly permissive parenting leads to feelings of bitterness and isolation throughout adulthood," lead researcher Daniel Porter said. "And, interestingly, we found that anything between those two extremes is equally damaging, always resulting in an adult who suffers from some debilitating combination of unpreparedness and isolation. Despite great variance in parenting styles across populations, the end product is always the same: a profoundly flawed and joyless human being." The study did find, however, that adults often achieve temporary happiness when they have children of their own to perpetuate the cycle of human misery.