The Onion
July 22, 2016
WASHINGTON—Bowing their heads as they solemnly shuffled single-file past Capitol Hill, leaders from around the world reportedly poured into Washington, D.C. this week to pay their last respects to the dying nation.
“Given all this great country has achieved, I felt it was important to take the time to come here today in order to show my appreciation and say my final goodbyes,” said German chancellor Angela Merkel, one of over 200 presidents and prime ministers who flew to the U.S. capital to share their favorite memories of the 240-year-old nation and tell the country just how much it always meant to them before it was too late. “When it became clear that time was running out, I felt I had to come here and see this wonderful country one last time, as it has been a dear friend of ours. Sure, we didn’t see eye to eye on everything, but we knew it always meant well. While this is certainly a sad occasion, at least we can take comfort knowing that it had a full, rich life and that this was just its time to go.”
Sources confirmed that Pakistan’s president, Mamnoon Hussain, delivered his deepest sympathies on behalf of the Chinese delegation, which was unable to make the trip.
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