SHOPLIFTER OF THE WEEK IN THE RUNNING FOR SHOPLIFTER OF THE MONTH

She said not paying for brew, ice cream and a cucumber was a ‘mistake’

If she used a reusable shopping bag, she must have made several trips in an out of the Walmart store to haul all that loot. That’s what’s called ‘chutzpah.’ And that cucumber… well I have an idea it was going to be used by the young lady as a dildo.

CRYSTAL MARIE MOSQUERA: ACCUSED SHOPLIFTER PLANNED ICE CREAM, BEER AND CUCUMBER PARTY, POLICE SAY
By John Nova Lomax

Houston Press Hair Balls
August 27, 2012

This week's entrant in the Crystal Crime Report is Crystal Marie Mosquera. College Station cops say they picked up the 19-year-old Thursday evening outside an area Walmart after she was seen placing numerous items in a reusable shopping bag, defying a security guard's order to stop and attempting to leave the store without paying.

Once in custody, Mosquera reportedly told police that she had gone to Walmart to stock up for a party that night and had made a "mistake" in not paying.

College Station police released a detailed inventory of Mosquera's allegedly misbegotten par-tay supplies, and it makes for interesting reading.

First, there's the alcohol: Mosquera's cart contained a case of Mike's Hard Lemonade, an 18-pack of Bud Light Lime, a 12-pack of Bud Light Lime-A-Rita, and a six-pack each of Twisted Tea, Smirnoff Ice, Smirnoff Ice Cherry Lime, Smirnoff Cranberry & Lime, Smirnoff Screwdriver, and Smirnoff Blueberry & Lemonade. Mosquera also reportedly helped herself to a dozen packages of various daiquiri and hard-lemonade mixes. Total value of booze and mixers: approximately $140.

And then there's the ice cream, lots and lots of ice cream: a box each of Breyer's S'mores and fudge bars, and numerous boxes of Twix, Snickers, and Milky Way ice cream bars (some regular and some mini-sized). Total value: approximately $35.

Mosquera apparently planned to serve frozen pizza as the party's main course, for police also found two $10 Marketside meat pies in her cart. Total value: $20.

Which brings us to the one item in her cart that is a little harder to explain than all the rest, the one single, solitary natural product in those bags full of sickly-sweet hooch and chemically-enhanced ice cream. And that was this: a single cucumber.

Somehow we don't think that cuke was going to end up as thinly-sliced pizza topping, or infused in a Smirnoff Blueberry Lemonade. Whatever could she have wanted it for? Total value: 62 cents.

Mosquera was charged with Class B misdemeanor theft of under $500. She was released on $2,000 bond late Thursday night. No word on the fate of the party she hoped to attend.