FIVE RULES PLUS A BONUS RULE TO REMEMBER IN LIFE

By Ima Schmuck

The Unconventional Gazette
February 23, 2013

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Rolls-Royce than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the asshole's name.

3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

Bonus: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.