FIRST A DILDO, NOW A GUN

Philly robber uses banana to simulate gun, then flees on a bike with the convenience store loot

Police report that on Tuesday, a man using a banana to simulate a gun, robbed a convenience store in the East Parkside neighborhood of Philadelphia. The man had been waiting in line at the checkout stand when he grabbed a banana off the counter, stuck it in the front pocket of his sweat shirt, and then pointed it at the cashier while demanding cigarettes and cash. He got an undetermined amount of cash and fled the scene on a bicycle.

Although bananas have long been used by women as dildos, they are rarely used as guns. If the robber is not a homeless person, he can always giftwrap the banana and give it to his girlfriend with a note: “Honey, I hope this sex toy will give you many moments of passionate pleasure when I'm not with you.”