$2.4M TAX DOLLARS SPENT ON ORIGAMI CONDOM DESIGN

The NIH spent millions of dollars on wacky projects like an origami condom design, a study of sex among fruit flies, an online game for Michelle’s anti-obesity campaign, a study of chimpanzee poop-throwing skills, etc., and now complains it did not have any money to develop an Ebola vaccine

Talk about your tax dollars at work, the expenditures by the National Institutes of Health are absolutely mind-boggling.

The NIH spent $2.4 million for a new ‘origami’ condom design. Daniel Resnic, the creator of the origami condom, conned the idiots at NIH into wasting all that money on condoms based on Japanese folding paper. Resnic is now under investigation for fraud, accused of spending some of the money on cosmetic surgery, a Playboy Mansion party and exotic trips..

$939,000 was spent on the sex habits of fruit flies and concluded that the males prefer younger females. In other words, they spent nearly a million dollars to learn that male fruit flies are just like their human counterparts, since men prefer to fuck younger women.

$257,000 was spent to produce “Virtual Sprouts” an online game which is a companion to Michelle Obama’s White House garden and is designed to teach nutrition and to fight obesity.

$592,000 was spent studying the shit slinging skills of Chimpanzees which found that chimps with the best communication skills were also best at flinging poop. Another $117,000 was spent to learn that most chimps are right-handed.

$325,000 was spent studying arguments between husbands and wives. The study found that when wives ‘downgraded’ [calmed down] their anger during an argument, both spouses had a more satisfying marriage over time. Not so, however, when men calmed down.

$666,000 was spent studying the effect on old people of watching reruns of sitcoms like Seinfeld and watching old movies.

$181,000 was spent on a study which found that cocaine use ‘enhanced’ the sex drive of the Japanese quail.

$548,000 was spent on a study that found partygoers in their 30s felt immature after binge drinking while those in their 20s didn’t.

$610,000 was spent on a survey of 120 countries to see how satisfied people are with their lives in those countries.

$484,000 was spent on a study to see if hypnosis can reduce hot flashes in women. Another $294,000 was spent to see if yoga could do the same.

$1.1 million was spent studying how athletes perceive their in-game surroundings. Among other things, the study found that golfers can putt better if they imagine the hole is bigger. [I think that men would enjoy sex better if they imagined the hole was smaller.]

$832,000 was spent to learn if it was possible to get South African tribesmen who had not been circumcised into the habit of washing their dicks off after having sex.

Those expenditures totaled $9.345 million, and that's only a partial list of studies, the expenditures for which would be considered by any reasonable person as wasteful spending. But then, we can all sleep better now knowing that the bigger a golfer imagines the hole to be, the better he can putt.

Providing us with a perfect example of chutzpah, NIH chief Dr. Francis Collins is now complaining that lack of funding prevented his agency from developing an Ebola vaccine.

I believe that Dr. Collins, and every person at NIH who had any part in approving these grants, be made to stand in front of the best communicating Chimpanzees every day for a month and let those chimps pelt them all day long with ape shit. Maybe, just maybe, that would teach them to stop wasting our tax dollars.

Wait a minute, not so fast. Maybe I can get a $500,000 grant from the NIH to conduct a study on the pleasure a man gets from having sex with a woman depending on the size of her hole.