A FLY ON THE WALL

The Unconventional Gazette
October 1, 2014

The media reports that after a long period of hostility between them and a strong personal dislike for each other, President Obama and Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu buried the hatchet during a White House meeting on Wednesday and are now bosom buddies.

However, if The Unconventional Gazette were a fly on the wall, this is what it would have heard after Obama and Netanyahu had returned to their respective quarters:

OBAMA: That damn Jew bastard! He’s the one that has fucked up the legacy I wanted to take with me when I leave office … of having accomplished a peace between Israel and the Palestinians. Him and his goddamn settlements. He’s keeping me from getting a second Nobel peace prize, damn it! I’d give anything if I could fuck him up. It sickened me that I had to shake hands with him.

NETANYAHU: That damn schwartze, what an idiot! He doesn’t have a clue as to what he’s doing. He’s spoken with a forked tongue so many times that there’s no way I can ever trust him. The only reason he has supported Israel is because of the overwhelming bipartisan support we have in the U.S. Congress. Otherwise that fool would have climbed in bed with Abbas. It sickened me that I had to shake hands with him.

The purported reconciliation did not last long. Just hours after that meeting, the White House and the State Department warned Israel against constructing a new housing project in East Jerusalem. At about the same time, Netanyahu was telling NBC’s Andrea Mitchell that he was afraid Obama’s negotiations will leave Iran on the threshold of producing nuclear weapons.

TUG believes Obama and Netanyahu will both be relieved knowing they can now go on hating each other publicly.