NOW THIS DEFINES CHUTZPAH

CHRISTIE LAVERNE HAWKINS: BRYAN WOMAN DEMANDS DEALER UPGRADES ON STOLEN TRUCK
By John Nova Lomax
　
Houston Press Hair Balls
August 5, 2010
　
Christie Laverne Hawkins might not be the brightest thief in College Station, but never let it be said that she suffers from a lack of nerve.

Police in Aggieland says the 35-year-old Bryan resident not only stole a pick-up truck from the Varsity Ford Dealership during a bogus test-drive on Monday, but had the balls to return the 2010 F-150 on Tuesday and demand that a trailer hitch and antenna be added as upgrades.

In a police report, Varsity employees also said that Hawkins threatened to use a handgun to "take care" of both the car dealers on the scene and the police responding to the subsequent call if she was not allowed to drive off with the truck a second time. (Police said she later admitted to threatening the car dealers but denied threatening the cops.)

Other aspects of the case seemed just plain crazy, as in Hawkins might just have been having a week of meds-free living. The Bryan-College Station Eagle picks up the tale:
　
__Hawkins said she was talking with the salesman beside the truck when he suddenly became angry and looked as if he was going to "put hands" on her before she drove away, according to a police report. An officer said she denied making threats toward police, but did not deny threatening dealership employees.

__The officer said Hawkins told him more than once that she did not pay for the truck, but someone else had. When he asked who told her it had been purchased for her, she said she had advised herself someone else had bought it for her, according to a police report.

__The officer said at one point she told him the vehicle belonged to her because she had taken it, and also alluded it belonged to her because she had gotten an insurance policy for it.

So, in other words, it belongs to me because I really want it and I bought insurance for it. Wow. (By that logic, we could just add Christina Hendricks to our healthcare plan, book two weeks in a Maui honeymoon suite, and tell her agent to dispatch Joan to us toot suite.)
　
Needless to say that logic didn't pan out for Hawkins: after nine past arrests over the last ten years for theft, this charge of unauthorized use of a motor vehicle marks the 5'4", 340-pounder's tenth trip to the Brazos County pokey.