OVERTRAINED ATHLETE SYNDROME

Narcotic officers know that THERE’S NOTHING MORE CONVINCING THAN A DRUG USER TRYING TO CONVINCE SOMEONE HE’S NOT USING DRUGS. That’s how druggies convince their parents they don’t do drugs. And that’s how athletes who took performance enhancing drugs convince their fans they didn’t do it.

Brian Cushing, the outside linebacker of the Houston Texans and last season’s NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year, has been suspended for four games by the league because he tested positive for hGC, a hormone that when used by athletes can mask the use of anabolic steroids.
　
Following in the footsteps of Roger Clemens, poor old Brian vehemently denies having used any illicit substances. He’s come up with a novel explanation for the positive test: OVERTRAINED ATHLETE SYNDROME. Cushing claims he trained so hard that the hGC was released naturally by his body. Overtrained Athlete Syndrome? Brian should be a shoo-in for the LIAR OF THE YEAR award with that one.
　
Texan’s owner Bob McNair rushed to New York two weeks ago to meet with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. McNair presented Goodell with ‘evidence’ that OAS was a real malady and begged the commissioner to overturn Cushing’s suspension or reduced it. Unfortunately for Bob and Brian, the commissioner checked with several outside medical experts who determined that OAS was a hoax. Goodell upheld the suspension.
　
Texan’s coach Gary Kubiac then sucked McNair’s royal ass with this jewel: "We understand the ruling and what we’re dealing with. I think it was more of an educational process on the part of Bob doing everything he could to educate us on Brian’s situation and try to make sure it never happens again." A TEACHABLE MOMENT, right boss? Kubiac definitely knows who signs his paycheck.
　
There is an upside to Cushing’s predicament. Poor old Brian can now go to Kookfornia or Colorado where he can obtain prescriptions for medical marijuana to alleviate all that pain and suffering associated with Overtrained Athlete Syndrome. And then if he should come up testing positive for pot, he can blame it on SECONDARY SMOKE SYNDROME by claiming that he was just an innocent bystander in a room where some jerk toked up a joint.