TIME OUT FOR SOME JOKES

Praying at the Western Wall

A CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man. I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a fucking wall."
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Texans have a proud, creative spirit

From the state where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Houston, Texas . After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'

"I doubt it", said the truly proud Redneck. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'
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Truer words were never spoken

A father says to his son, "My boy, when you understand why a pizza is baked round, put in a square box, and eaten in triangles, you might be able to understand women."
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The beautiful woman was not worth four inches

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman who is seated over there" and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter, and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

His note read: "Just to let you know that things aren't always what they appear to be. I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages. I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Texas. There is over eighty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off four inches. Just send the damn wine back."
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Sociology 101

A young African-American kid asks his mother, "Mama, what is Socialism and what is Racism?"

"Well, Child...Socialism is when the white folks work hard every day so we can get all our governmental entitlement stuff for free.

"You know...like our free cell phones for each family member, rent subsidy, food stamps, EBT, WIC, free school breakfast, lunch, and in some places supper; free healthcare, utility subsidy, and on and on...you know, that's Socialism."

"But, Mama, don't the white people get mad about that?"

"Sure they do, Honey. That's called Racism."