The Onion
April 12, 2013
WASHINGTON—According to a report released Tuesday by the Pew Research Center, though more than a decade has passed since the events of 9/11, it has still not been nearly long enough to open a restaurant called Bin Laden’s.
“Our research confirms that it is far too soon for a prospective restaurateur or franchise operator to open a September 11–themed restaurant named after deceased international terrorist and al-Qaeda founder Osama bin Laden,” read the report, which added that the attack on the World Trade Center by Islamist militants is still too fresh in people’s minds for them to comfortably order a pancake menu item called The Twin Tower Double Stack, an Osama Burger, or the Flight 93-Alarm Chili. “There will be a time in the future when Americans will be ready to take their whole family out to Bin Laden’s and grab a table in the middle of the Ground Zero dining area, but that time isn’t now. So, if you’re thinking about opening a restaurant called Bin Laden’s, you’ll have to wait.”
The report concluded that, based on the success of the McVeigh’s franchise, the popular Oklahoma City bombing–themed restaurant chain made famous for their Fertilizer Bomb Cheese Fries, the nation probably needs another six years or so.
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