WATERS TESTED AS 12-YEAR-OLD SAYS ‘SHIT’ IN FRONT OF MOM FOR FIRST TIME

The Onion
April 5, 2013

SAGINAW, MI—In a tentative attempt to test the waters a bit, local 12-year-old Connor Bartlett told reporters that he took a chance on saying the word “shit” in front of his mother for the first time Friday.

“I’ve been dipping my toe in there with ‘hell’ and ‘sucks’ for a while and she hasn’t really said anything yet, so I figured, hey, might as well jump in feet-first with ‘shit’ and see what happens,” the preteen said of his inaugural usage of the harsh expletive in his mother’s presence, adding that “if she freaked out, [he] could always just switch back to ‘crap,’ no problem.”

“As far as I can tell, she didn’t really seem to react or notice, so it looks like I’m pretty good to go. I wonder what else I can get away with.”

At press time, sources confirmed that Bartlett had abruptly learned the limits of his mother’s tolerance for profanity after diving right in the deep end and calling her a “fucking bitch.”