UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA RESEARCHERS MAKE AMAZING DISCOVERY

We would never have believed this if it weren't for the findings of this study. And California’s hard-pressed taxpayers must be grateful for having to foot the bill for this extremely important research.
　
ORAL SEX LEADS TO INTERCOURSE AMONG TEENS, STUDY SOMEHOW DISCOVERS
By Richard Connelly
　
Houston Press Hair Balls
November 2, 2010
　
The Houston Chronicle's Mom blog led us to this amazing piece of scientific research. We'll let the official press release headline speak for itself: "Having oral sex increases likelihood of intercourse among teens."

That was the profound conclusion reached by a study conducted by the University of California-San Francisco and UC-Merced.

It's six months from initial blow job to losing your virginity, the study found, and half the teens who have oral sex in 9th grade will be having intercourse by 11th grade. Which means half won't, but we're sure those are just the kids who have discovered abstinence-only classes.
　
"Health care providers, health educators and parents need to not be shy about discussing oral sex with teens," said Bonnie Halpern-Felsher, PhD, one of the authors of the study and a UCSF pediatrics professor. "I see most of the health policies out there and guidelines for preventive services talking about sex generally, but they do not specify oral sex. That is an important distinction because teens don't consider oral sex to be sex, and many are not aware of the risks involved."

It is difficult to overstate how shocking these results are. Kids who give or get blow jobs, discover them to be pleasurable and then discover the female body has another orifice? Consider our minds fully boggled.

Next, a study will find that teenage boys who have intercourse with girls will want to do it again at some point. The world is indeed full of wonders.

Researchers interviewed 600 northern California high school students. "From 2002 to 2005, the students completed a survey every six months during class time about their sexual experiences. Responses were consistent across different ethnic groups, socioeconomic levels and genders," the study said.

Another amazing finding: "Adolescents who delayed oral sex until the end of 11th grade had only a 16 percent chance of having intercourse by the end of that school year."

(This finding builds on the research first done by approximately 4,528 cheap-ass comedies about high school guys trying to lose their virginity before graduation. It is formally known as the American Pie theory.)