I’ve always been led to believe my ancestors were priests descending in an unbroken line from AronAaron, the brother of Moses in 1300 B.C. My friend Trey Rusk told me that sounded like a bunch of bullshit and suggested I try one of those ancestry websites.
So I found an ancestry website I liked and shelled out $99 for a DNA testing kit. About three weeks after I returned the DNA testing kit, I learned who my ancestors really were. Trey was right, I did not descent from a line of priests.
I was somewhat shocked to learn that my ancestors were bonobos, chimpanzee-like apeas found in the African country of Congo. My original name was not Katz, but Kuhrrauhrrtuhrrzuhrr.
Bonobo is pissed off because photographer interrupted him while he was having sex
The DNA revealed that I was 93.7 percent bonobo. The other 6.3 percent of descent could not be determined..
Shit! If I have to be descended from apes, I would rather they be orangutans because they are smarter and can spit further than bonobos. And orangutans live in Borneo, not Africa.
Orangutan
My ancestors were bonobos? I guess that explains my craving for bananas. And now I know why all the time I want to fuck women. It is said that bonobos spend all their time having sex.
Well at least I did not descend from Hutus or Tutsis. From what I know, they are not as smart as bonobos. (Oops, Trey just told me that my comparison of Hutus and Tutsis to apes shows that I am a racist.)
3 comments:
You and everyone else. By the way, is the pic your cousin?
The strong similarities between humans and the African great apes led Charles Darwin in 1871 to predict that Africa was the likely place where the human lineage branched off from other animals – that is, the place where the common ancestor of chimpanzees, humans, and gorillas once lived. The DNA evidence shows an amazing confirmation of this daring prediction. The African great apes, including humans, have a closer kinship bond with one another than the African apes have with orangutans or other primates. Hardly ever has a scientific prediction so bold, so ‘out there’ for its time, been upheld as the one made in 1871 – that human evolution began in Africa.
Smithsonian
During the last 12 years, there has been a steady flow of scientific discoveries informing us that Chimpanzee and human chromosomes are so remarkably different that it is inconceivable for the ape genome to evolve into the human genome. The human Y chromosome has twice as many genes as the Chimpanzee Y chromosome. Humans have at least 78 genes and Chimpanzees have only 37.
Forgot to cite my source to the earlier comment. Sorry. My bad.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1240076/
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