DON'T GET BLOWN AFTER MIDNIGHT

OLD MAN INTERRUPTS LOVERS IN HIS GARAGE; ENDS UP IN JAIL
By John Nova Lomax

Houston Press
March 30, 2010

It's like a modern-day Texas version of one of the Canterbury Tales...Old men cling to younger women at their own peril.

Septuagenarian William Moore awoke in the wee hours of Saturday morning to the sounds of a commotion in the garage of his northeast San Antonio home.

Upon investigating, he discovered that the tenant he allowed to stay in there -- an unidentified woman -- had broken one of their mutually-agreed upon house rules.

Namely, she was entertaining a guest -- 38-year-old Todd Harrison -- after her cut-off time of midnight. And by "entertaining," we mean blowing him.

These extracurricular post-curfew shenanigans didn't sit well with Moore, and who could blame him? There's little more bothersome than a noisy roommate.

He told Harrison to get lost, and returned to his bedroom to fetch some emphatic persuasion in the form of his long-barreled shotgun.


A scuffle between the female tenant and Moore ensued, during which the shotgun went off, peppering Harrison's hand with birdshot. He has since been treated and released from the hospital.

On the other, um, hand, Moore hasn't fared so well. He was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and spent his 72nd birthday Sunday in Bexar County jail, awaiting someone to pay his $50,000 bail.

Now, if you will allow Hair Balls to editorialize for a second...

Is this the Texas Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie fought and died for at the Alamo?

One where you can't shoot a man who has the nerve to get a hummer in your garage from your "tenant," and then whoop and holler so loud in the process he rousts you from your slumber on the day before your 72nd birthday?
We'd expect that kind of candy-ass law enforcement from the cops in California, not Texas.

Surely there's some kind of provision in the castle doctrine allowing for a shooting like this. After all, if a man -- or woman -- is supposed to allow all kinds of sleep-interrupting, unauthorized oral sex capers to go on at all hours in their castle, how can they be said to be the king or queen?