THE NEWS IN ZINGERS

By Argus Hamilton / Jewish World Review / February 20, 2012

Joseph Kennedy III filed for Congress Tuesday for the seat left by Barney Frank. He's RFK's grandson and Teddy's nephew. Young Joe is a Middlesex County prosecutor, and only someone from Middlesex can bridge the gap between the Kennedys and Barney Frank.
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President Obama attended a fundraising dinner in Beverly Hills Wednesday hosted by movie comedian Will Ferrell. It was a hot ticket. People in Hollywood paid forty thousand dollars each to have dinner with a comedian who can get a picture green-lighted.
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President Obama choppered from L.A. Airport to a secret landing pad near Century City to avoid church protesters. Workers spread foam on the landing pad. It was the second time in a week President Obama turned a first amendment issue into a contraceptive issue.
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President Obama stayed at the Beverly Hilton while in Los Angeles Wednesday. They are still cleaning up after the Grammys. Whitney Houston's two bodyguards were still at the hotel and got arrested when they tried to get a job protecting the president during his bath.
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Fort Worth police arrested TCU football players Thursday for selling dealer amounts of marijuana on campus. The police said they were making real money. California college athletes aren't allowed to sell marijuana until after they've graduated from medical school.
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U.S. intelligence chiefs told Congress of the threat posed by Iran Tuesday. Apparently Iran has all it needs to convert uranium to nuclear bombs. They said the only thing missing was the recipe and fortunately Albert Einstein lost his cooking show when he died.
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Iran cut off oil exports to its six biggest European customers Tuesday in retaliation for the EU's vow to stop buying oil from Iran. Oil prices soared. Gasoline is so expensive in L.A. that police pulled over a van on the freeway yesterday with fifty legal Americans in it.
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NBC just ordered a new series about Silence of the Lambs killer Hannibal Lector, who is an urbane cannibal who coaches FBI profilers from behind bars. Keeping him fed is no problem. Whoever Donald Trump fires the previous hour is tossed right into the cage. .