The cheating for urine tests to detect illicit drug use works because in many instances, especially in the private sector, those supervising the tests will not eyeball the peeing into the provided container. In this case the supervisor apparently did it right by eyeballing the flow of urine.
The excuse given by this numbnut is so far out that it qualifies for the ‘Liar of the Year’ award.
FAUX PHALLUS FELONY AND THE DE MINIMIS DONG DEFENSE
By Jeff Doyle
PACOVILLA Corrections blog
December 21, 2010
MAN WHO WORE WHIZZINATOR SENT TO STATE PRISON
Raymond Hartley Jr. says he felt inadequate: wasn’t trying to beat urine screen
By Riley Yates
The Morning Call
December 21, 2010
Court-ordered to undergo drug tests, a Monroe County man was caught wearing a fake penis and bladder used to cheat screens.
But Raymond Hartley Jr. had a good excuse for strapping on the Whizzinator, he told a Northampton County judge last week: The probation officers kept making fun of the size of his real penis.
“It’s very emasculating to hear comments like that,” argued defense attorney Anthony Rybak.
Judge Michael Koury Jr. didn’t buy it and on Friday sentenced Hartley, a convicted burglar, to one to two years in state prison for violating probation…
“Had I known doing something like this would have brought on new charges, I would never have done something like this,” Hartley insisted.
He added that when he pleaded guilty to the subsequent misdemeanor earlier this month, he was embarrassed to explain his motivation in open court…
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I supervised some really shitty liars during my career, however, Mr. Hartley beats them all hands down.
First, he claims he used the fake penis so the PO’s would stop commenting about his small penis…as though they wouldn’t notice how it had grown since the last UA.
At sentencing, he told the judge he didn’t mention his little friend in an earlier appearance, opting instead to plead guilty, because his mother was present at the arraignment. What? He didn’t want mommy to find out he had a tiny winky?
In any case, it is now a matter of public record: Raymond Hartley Jr. has a small penis…taking him at his word, that is.
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