SENATOR FEINSTEIN WILL INTRODUCE BILL TO REDUCE HANDS AND FISTS VIOLENCE (UPDATE)

By Adolf der Schweinehund

The Unconventional Gazette
January 5, 2013

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In response to Sen. Feinstein’s proposed bill to amputate the offending hand of anyone convicted of assaulting another person with his hand or fist, U.S. Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee announced that she would support the bill since it would reduce hands and fists violence.

However, the Houston Democrat had some strong reservations about how Feinstein’s bill would impact African-Americans. “I’m sure that proportionately there are more blacks than whites assaulting people with their hands and fists,” said Jackson Lee. “We all know that many young black men cannot find employment. So how are they going to get work if they have only one hand?”

Jackson Lee went on to say that “I will introduce a bill in the House to provide lifetime benefits for the amputees and full college paid tuition for their rehabilitation. I’ve contacted my good friend Sen. Feinstein and she told me she would sponsor my bill in the Senate. In return I will sponsor her bill in the House.”

The Texas Democrat stated that she has the support of new Congressional Black Caucus Chairwoman Marcia Fudge and former Chairwoman Maxine Waters. “Marcia and Maxine told me that the caucus would support Sen. Feinstein’s bill, but only if the House amended it to include my bill for the lifetime benefits and college tuition.”

Jackson Lee said “the war on drugs and every law and order bill that’s ever been passed by Congress has led to the disproportionate imprisonment of young black men and, quite frankly, we African-Americans are sick and tired of the racist bills that come out of the House and the Senate. We’re not going to stand for it anymore!”

When Jackson Lee said, “Before we leave, let me just say a few words about my plans for revitalizing the inner cities of Philadelphia, Newark, Baltimore, East St. Louis, Oakland and my hometown of Houston among others………,” all of us reporters took off. That’s because among members of Congress the Texas Democrat is known as ‘Sheila Motormouth.’

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney told The Unconventional Gazette he was sure that President Obama would sign the combined Feinstein-Jackson Lee bills if they passed both the House and the Senate.