THE PROBLEM SOLVER: LARRY THE CABLE GUY

The Unconventional Gazette
January 23, 2013

Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in Our Country lately: Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida... Not me -- I concentrate on solutions for the problems -- it's a win-win situation. Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border. Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levees. Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.

Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?

How about:

1. Cows

2. The Constitution

3. The 10 Commandments

COWS:

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

THE CONSTITUTION:

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS:

The real reason that we can't have the 10 Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post No. 7 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and No. 8 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' and No. 9 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians because it creates a hostile work environment.