Sound the alarm, Joe! America's craven Left-wing media have FINALLY realized Biden's only fit to serve at the nursing home's ice cream buffet... and Kamala's as popular as headlice in a hat shop. But what took them so damn long?
By Kennedy
Joe Biden has lost it.
No, not his brain. That curdled to cream decades ago.
Finally, his most fervid and frothing cheerleaders – from the New York Times to the dreary Daily Show – are fleeing the wreckage and tentatively raising the alarm.
What on Earth took them so long? Why are the liberalia finally waking up to wet beds and admitting that, perhaps, their collapsing candidate has drifted off from his moorings.
You have to give them credit, they stuck around and clung on as long as they could – inventing every excuse and ruse that suited them. That Young Joe was raring to go, claims of senility were a MAGA witch hunt, and haven't you seen how fabulous Kamala is?
But now, as the sun rises on the latest polling (by Quinnipiac) stating that 64 percent of Americans think Biden's mentally unfit, they find themselves past the point of no return, stuck with a candidate they neither want nor can replace.
Meanwhile, Biden's list of lost lovers grows longer by the day, his approval rating shrinking like cashmere in a hot dryer.
Jon Stewart has returned to resurrect The Daily Show – a sad shadow of its former self after Stewart twaddled off to get rich at Apple TV for a few years, and tiresome Trevor Noah tanked the franchise into irrelevancy.
And, despite Stewart's virile hatred of The Donald, boy did he save some grenades for biddy Biden in the opening salvo – titled 'Electile Dysfunction' – of his comeback appearance.
'Fire everyone!' Stewart blasted. 'These two candidates, they are both similarly challenged both stretching the limits of being able to handle the toughest job in the world.'
On Biden specifically: 'If the barbarians are at the gate, you want Conan [the Barbarian] standing on the ramparts, not chocolate chip cookie guy!'
Are you listening, Mad Rachel Madow and fellow White House groupies over at MSNBC?
It's even Treason Season at the New York Times, where the Gray Lady no longer has a crush on the White Fossil.
A series of sheepishly critical think pieces – with silken headlines such as 'The Challenges of an Aging President' and even one by Establishment poster girl Maureen Dowd – were doubled down on by nepo-publisher A.G. Sulzberger.
Like Stewart, Sulzberger couldn't resist hitting Don where it hurts. But at least he's waking up to Biden's nap time.
'We are going to continue to report fully and fairly, not just on Donald Trump but also on President Joe Biden. He is a historically unpopular incumbent and the oldest man to ever hold this office,' Sulzberger purred earlier this week.
'We've reported on both of those realities extensively' – have you ?! – 'and the White House has been extremely upset by it.'
Oh no, not the White House! Unchallenged so long by outlets like the toothless Times that they've let their own compromised Commander bite them in the ass. Wink, wink (woof, woof).
'[Biden] must do better,' the NYT editorial board declared following special counsel Robert Hur's mortifying report slamming Joe as an 'elderly man with a poor memory'.
'He needs to do more to show the public that he is fully capable of holding office until age 86.'
If the NYT were fully honest, they'd give up the old goat and admit that the only 'more' Biden is capable of is asking for second helpings at the nursing home's ice cream buffet.
But the truth is, the Gray Lady finds herself in a rather sticky situation, having spilled so much ink propping up a president she no longer wants.
So out rolls Fence-sitter in Chief, Ezra Klein, to tap dance the gossamer line of semantic contradictions, explaining to us lesser folk that while Biden is so great at being president, he just doesn't have the tankful of Ensure to run for president. Right?
And worry not, Ezra's here to save the day, offering up a microwave-ready feast for our hungry needs. You guessed it: step forward one… Kamala Harris.
Despite admitting she's about as popular as headlice in a hat shop, that people literally hate her like food poisoning on a crowded bus – or as he phrased it 'she hasn't thrived as vice president' – Ezra simply knows better.
Cackling Kamala is 'underrated', he tells us, she's 'capable' and, in private, my god she's simply ameeeeezzing ('enormously magnetic and compelling').
Her only problem? Convincing the entire evil American public that they've got her all wrong.
As Ezra educates us, really this is our fault. What chance did Kamala have in this racist, sexist hellhole of a nation: 'A world that is afraid of women being angry, of Black people being angry.'
Oh, pull the other one Ezzy!
Even the bluest of flag-wavers I spotted at this week's Daytona 500 were snapping up shirts that said: 'SLEEPY JOE AND THE HOE GOT TO GO'. Bit rude, sure, but so is the harsh reality facing America.
Kamala and court-jester Ezra might be plotting a closed-door coronation ('from the river to the sea, dump Joe and elect me!) but it hardly matters.
There's talk of parachuting in a convention savior this summer, but we all know the top ham isn't fatty enough: Gavin Newsom is a hack and Michelle O just doesn't want the job.
So Traitorous David Axelrod, Hilaria Clinton and even bilious Bill Maher can spill their tears. But it's all too little too late and too damn bad.
No comments:
Post a Comment