BROKEN NEWS
In a joint news conference with FBI Director Robert Mueller, Attorney General Eric Holder announced the arrest of Ahmed Muhammad Mustafa al Ibaba of Chicago for a terrorist attack against the United States. After a 14-month FBI investigation, al Ibaba stands charged with unleashing biological weapons of mass destruction, to wit: bedbug bombs.
al Ibaba, 43, who was born Willie Washington Smith, was a long-time member of the Rev. Jeremiah Wright’s church before he converted to Islam three years ago. 16 months ago he returned to the U.S. after spending a year in Pakistan where he admittedly joined up with Al-Qaeda.
FBI agents searched al Ibaba’s home and were seen removing several boxes of evidence. Director Mueller announced that al Ibaba’s laptop computer contained personal instructions from Osama bin Laden to unleash a ‘bedbug infestation against the Great Satan.’ Mueller noted that the 'Bedbug Bomber' began his terrorist attack in New York shortly after his return from Pakistan. al Ibaba then went on to set off more bedbug bombs in Philadelphia, Detroit and other major cities across the country.
Holder and Mueller expressed considerable concern that the infestation of bedbugs will be spread across the country by unsuspecting travelers. They went on to assure the public that the full weight and force of the U.S. government will be brought to bear down on the bedbugs. Holder and Mueller also promised that Osama bin Laden and Al-Qaeda would pay dearly for unleashing these biological weapons of mass destruction on our cities.
When asked why Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano was not present for the news conference and how DHS failed to detect the bedbug bombs when al Ibaba reentered the country, both replied "No comment." And when asked if there might be other Al-Qaeda bedbug bombers out there, Holder and Mueller would only say that the investigation was ongoing.
When arrested, Ahmed Muhammad Mustafa al Ibaba shouted ‘Allah Akbar, death to the Great Satan’ over and over again until FBI agent Abe Goldberg informed him of his right to remain silent and smacked him upside the head with a piece of two-by-four. Goldberg was then heard to utter, 'FBI Akbar!'
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