Sylvester, the fly on the wall, tells all
The Unconventional Gazette
November 12, 2016
Here, according to Sylvester the fly on the wall, is some of what transpired in Hillary’s private chamber on election night as Hillary, Bill, Chelsea and her husband Marc Mezvinsky, Huma Abedin and John Podesta were watching the returns come in:
10 p.m. (New York time)
Hillary: What the fuck is going on here?
Huma: Don’t worry sweetheart, those are just the early returns.
Chelsea: That’s right Mommy.
John: Don’t worry Hillary, we’ve got the election in the bag.
12 Midnight
Hillary: God damn it, look at that. I might lose Pennsylvania and Florida. What the fuck!
John: Now Hillary calm down. It’s still early and I still believe we’ve got the election in the bag.
Huma: That’s right my love, listen to John.
Bill to Chelsea: I think we better prepare for your mother to have a nuclear meltdown.
Chelsea to Bill: Oh Daddy, please don’t tell me that Mom might lose. And I was looking so forward to running our foundation all by myself.
Marc: Oy vey!
1 a.m.
Hillary: Look at that, I’m falling behind in the fucking electoral vote. I can’t fucking believe this. Don’t tell me I’m getting fucked again.
Huma: Now sweetheart calm down, the election isn’t over ‘till the last vote has been counted.
John: That’s right, they’ll be referring to you as Madam President Elect later on today.
Bill: Honey, can I get you anything to make you feel better? Can I do anything for you?
Hillary: Oh stuff it Bill. You know what you can fucking do for me … get your fucking ass outta here. Let Huma and me be fucking alone! Go fuck one of your fucking bimbos.
Bill: OK, thanks, dear, I’ll see you later.
Marc: Oy vey!
Chelsea: Daddy! Oh Mommy!
Huma to Hillary: Don’t worry sweetheart. You know I love you and I’ll always be with you, no matter what!
2 a.m.
Chelsea: Mommy why don’t you take a nap. You’re getting all worked up. Things could get better.
John: That’s right, it ain’t over till the fat lady sings..
Hillary: John, I don’t fucking need that! It looks like you fucked up the campaign. Some fucking campaign manager you turned out to be.
Huma: Now sweetheart, calm down, calm down.
Hillary: Huma, be fucking honest with me, it’s all over, isn’t it?
Huma: Yes my love, I’m afraid it is.
Chelsea: Oh Mommy, oh Mommy.
Hillary: Oh for God’s fucking sake Chelsea, stop your fucking whining! I can’t fucking believe this is happening. You all assured me we had this election in the bag.
Marc: Oy vey!
John: Well, that’s what every poll indicated. It’s that fucking poor excuse for an FBI director that t fucked you all up. Yeah, it was Comey's letter to Congress a week ago that has cost us this election.
Hillary: Podesta, I don’t want to hear your lame fucking excuses. Comey's letter to Congress my fucking ass! Admit it, you ran a lousy fucking campaign.
John: Hey, wait a minute. Your buddy Huma here really hurt us when she put all those God damn emails on her pervert fucking husband’s computer.
Huma: Fuck off asshole!
Hillary: Yeah, fuck off!
Marc: Oy vey!
3 a.m.
Hillary: Podesta go out there and tell those fucking idiots waiting for me to go on home.
John: I’ll tell them that it’s not over till the last vote has been counted.
Hillary: Tell them what you like, you dumb fucking bastard! Just go, and I don’t want to see your dumb fucking ass again!
Chelsea: Oh Mommy, oh Mommy.
Hillary: Chelsea, I told you to stop your fucking whining, I don’t fucking need that.
Marc: Oy vey!
3:30 a.m.
Hillary: Huma, get me that fucking Trump on the fucking phone, it’s time for me to fucking concede. I can’t believe this. Not in a million years would I have dreamed that I’d be making this call to that fucking no good bastard!
3:45 a.m.
Huma: Here, I’ve got Mr. Trump on the line.
Hillary: Hello Donald, this is Hillary. ….. Hillary who? Hillary Clinton, you fucking moron. I’m calling to fucking congratulate you. ….. Don’t thank me, you fucking asshole. It was supposed to be you calling me to fucking concede. ….. Fuck you too!
Marc: Oy vey!
_____
EDITOR’S NOTE: Trump’s campaign manager Kellyanne Conway described Hillary’s call as “cordial” and “warm.” She said, “They had a very gracious exchange. … He respects her and her family. It was a very pleasant exchange.”
A very pleasant exchange? Me thinks Sylvester’s version is probably closer to the truth.
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