KENNEDY: Now that the Democratic elite have successfully defenestrated Joe Bye-den, America must brace for an ear-piercing possibility: Presi-Brat Coconut Tree Harris.
George Clooney is Vice President and Amal Clooney is Secretary of Defense in the Presi-Brat Coconut Tree Harris administration
By Kennedy
Daily Mail
Jul 26, 2024
Now that the Democratic elite have successfully defenestrated Joe Bye-den, America must brace for an ear-piercing possibility: Presi-Brat Coconut Tree Harris.
Now that the Democratic elite have successfully defenestrated Joe Bye-den, America must brace for an ear-piercing possibility:
Presi-Brat Coconut Tree Harris.
(Don't understand me? Sorry, oldie!)
I don't care what the polling says. General elections in the US always hang on the most nimble of knife-edges, the final result a toss-up that teeters on the fickle feels of independents and fence-sitters.
As she'll never let us forget, even Hillary Clinton won the popular vote — so by my calculation, there's a 50-50 chance Crazy Kam actually wins.
And if that giggle-filled dystopia comes to pass, this is — I imagine — the scene in January 2025:
There she is gulping down the herstory, strutting in her revenge-red pantsuit onto the balcony of the U.S. K-apitol Building (renamed for the inauguration).
With a fist pump and a wink to her former paramour Willie Brown, she thinks to herself, 'He's still got it at 90.'
Dumpy Doug Emhoff is there, beaming and licking the innards of a jelly donut off his fingers.
As Second Gentleman, he led a campaign against 'toxic masculinity'. At this point, Kamala would settle for any masculinity whatsoever.
But President H has so much to be proud of today.
After defeating The Donald in a hard-fought election, she unleashed the IRS on all ten Trump grandchildren driving the family underground.
Rumor has it Eric Trump is rallying a rebellion of viking-helmeted loons who also look strangely mole-like.
But that's a problem for another day.
'It's Momala's turn!' she shrieks.
Dr Jill Biden, still seething over the coup that foiled her plans to rule the country through ventriloquism, is seen visibly vibrating in her end-of-row seat.
She's left Sleepy at home in Delaware with a tub of Breyers.
Up front, next to Vice President George Clooney, is First Daughter Frida Kahlo, I mean Ella Emhoff.
She looks dashing in a Calvin Klein keffiyeh and matching Palestinian-flag shift.
Up front, next to Vice President George Clooney, is First Daughter Frida Kahlo, I mean Ella Emhoff.
VP Clooney nods approvingly, his ivory veneers glittering in the January sun.
He was tapped to be running mate after hammering one of the final nails into Comatose Joe's Presidential coffin.
George Clooney is Vice President and Amal Clooney is Secretary of Defense in the Presi-Brat Coconut Tree Harris administration
But Amal Clooney, now-Secretary of Defense, is the real winner.
In her first official act, she had Seal Team Six grab Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and deliver him to the International Criminal Court for swift prosecution.
The Surgeon General is Dr. Dre, because he has more robust medical credentials than Dr. Jill. (Plus, Kamala loved smoking weed and listening to him back in the 70s.)
And Kimberley Cheatle has been restored to her rightful position as Secret Service Director. For in this administration, diversity will trump credentials!
Kamala looks out over the dozens in attendance. Since gasoline is now illegal, most found it too onerous to ride their bikes into DC.
And so she begins her historic address:
'Today is what yesterday wanted to be, and tomorrow this will be our yesterday.
We stand here as a nation, which is a country, but not a continent, but part of a continent with other countries and nations.
We are all children of the community, which was a sitcom, unburdened by coconuts who lived together in commune.
I've never been to Europe. Amen.'
Thanks to America's Border Czarina that wasn't, our collective goose will be cooked. On a gas-free stove, of course.
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