ECONOMICS MADE SIMPLE

DEMOCRAT

_You have two cows.
_Your neighbor has none.
_You feel guilty for being successful.
_You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

REPUBLICAN

_You have two cows.
_Your neighbor has none.
_So?

SOCIALISM

_You have two cows.
_The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
_You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNISM

_You have two cows.
_The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
_You wait in line for hours to get it.
_It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

_You have two cows.
_You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

_You have two cows.
_Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

_You have two cows.
_You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
_You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
_You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
_You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
_Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

_You have two cows.
_You go on strike because you want three cows.
_You go to lunch and drink wine.
_Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

_You have two cows.
_You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
_They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
_Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

_You have two cows.
_You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
_Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

_You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
_You break for lunch.
_Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

_You have two cows.
_You drink some vodka.
_You count them and learn you have five cows.
_You drink some more vodka.
_You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
_The Russian Mafia shows up and takes over all cows you really have.

IRAQI CORPORATION

_You have two cows.
_They go into hiding.
_They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

_You have two bulls.
_Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

_You have one cow.
_The cow is schizophrenic.
_Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
_The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
_The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
_The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
_The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

_You have a black cow and a brown cow.
_Everyone votes for the best looking one.
_Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
_Some people vote for both.
_Some people vote for neither.
_Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
_Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

_You have millions of cows.
_They make real California cheese.
_Only five speak English.
_Most are illegal.
_Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

The TALIBAN

_You have all the cows in Afghanistan . Exactly two.
_You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
_You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.