POOR OLD BRAIN ADDLED CHARLIE

Snorting coke, smoking pot and boozing it up can have its cumulative consequences.

FIVE THINGS CHARLIE SHEEN SHOULD GIVE UP FOR LENT
By Richard Connelly

Houston Press Hair Balls
March 8, 2011

Charlie Sheen was brought up in a very Catholic family -- his Dad's about as Catholic as you can get -- so it's safe to assume he's familiar with the idea of giving things up for Lent.

What should he give up this year? Some suggestions, a few of which he's already agreed to:

5. WASHING HIS HAIR
Anyone who sat through the third episode of Sheen's Korner ("Torpedos of Truth Part Two" -- another sequel, once again proving Hollywood is out of ideas), knows that Charlie has gotten a head start on his first sacrifice: shampoo. Apparently it itches a lot as a result.

4. TWO AND A HALF MEN
Done.

3. MACHETE WAVING
Much like Mardi Gras is one last splurge before the sacrifices of Lent begin, Charlie had one last big machete session before Ash Wednesday.

2. TIGER BLOOD
Let's face it -- it ain't working. This should be like giving up broccoli for Lent, if Sheen was still worried about having a career.

1. APPEARING IN ANY FORM OF MEDIA
Another no-brainer. Any rebroadcast, retransmission or account of this trainwreck, without the express written consent of a competent psychiatrist and agent, needs to be proghibited.